


Love is Vivid, No We're Not in Love

by FreezeThisMoment



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Fights, M/M, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-11
Updated: 2018-09-11
Packaged: 2019-07-11 05:29:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15965678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FreezeThisMoment/pseuds/FreezeThisMoment
Summary: Jisung is tired.Tired of pretending like this is working, like he and Minho aren't killing each other.





	Love is Vivid, No We're Not in Love

**Author's Note:**

> So this is just angst. It's not that long, but it's not very happy either I'm sorry :(
> 
> The title of this is from the song Deadroses by blackbear, it's such a good song I recommend you go check it out! (This entire fic was inspired by the song really)

 

“When are you coming home?” Jisung sees the text from Minho and sighs, mumbling the words under his breath, and running his hand through his hair tiredly. It’s been a long week. Another fight sending him out of their apartment and two and a half blocks away to Chan’s to wait out Minho’s anger. He can’t even remember what it’s about, the past seven days have been radio silence from the person he wants to hear from, and Chan and his roommate talking his ear off about toxic relationships. It was only about and hour and a half ago that he snapped, silencing their words with sharp biting ones of his own. He wants to get out of here.

“I’m going back to my place, thanks for letting me crash on the couch again.” He says stiffly, waving to Chan, who doesn’t even try smiling as he waves back. Jisung knows when he’s not wanted, and books it out of there. It’s eleven thirty p.m. and he hates walking the streets when they empty out for the night.

The door is locked when he gets back into his building, so he stands outside, sends a text saying “I’m here.” and knocks on the door a couple of times. After a minute, there’s a shuffle and a click, and Minho is there, eyes still cold. Of course this wasn't going to be that easy, things never are with them. Before either of them acknowledge it, Minho pulls him into a hug. It’s much needed, Jisung squeezes him tight, releases all the stress built up in his mind.

“Welcome back.” The older of the pair says softly. “It’s been quiet with you gone.” The little smile and dead, fish-like eyes don’t pair well together.

“I’m glad to be home, Chan has been talking my ear off all week.” The smile falls, but Minho nods nonetheless. He doesn’t like Chan, never has, and the feeling is mutual.

“Mhmm.” That disinterested tone is his specialty. Usually it makes his blood boil, but today the last burst of his energy exits him in one big whoosh.

“Do you want to talk more tomorrow? I’m exhausted.” He pouts.

“Of course.” As time passes, it should be that he can read Minho better, but he honestly can’t, the boy seems to change more and more and more with every year, every couple of months even. It keeps things interesting at least for somethings. Jisung gets a very clear vibe that everything is not okay from his tone, but he’s pretty much worthless to try and do anything about it.

Minho waits until Jisung is finished brushing his teeth to do his own, which is kind of ridiculous since they have two sinks. He lets it slide, and crawls into bed, sighing at the familiar feel of his sheets. He's really missed this. The other joins him a couple of minutes later, and they fall asleep in silence.

-

Minho makes them french toast in the morning, and that's when he knows for sure things aren't fine. He only makes french toast when he's angry, something he picked up on from his mother. “I'm sorry, honestly, you know that right?” Jisung asks softly, pulling himself up to sit on the corner of the counter.

The other pauses for a moment before answering. “Sometimes it seems like you don't trust me.” That's almost funny coming from him, as he's the one that's always doubting Jisung.

“You know that's not true,” he chews on his bottom lip, debating on whether or not to finish the sentence he has in mind, “if anything, it seems like you don’t trust me.” Minho doesn’t say anything, just turns back to the toast in the skillet. The sizzling seems to get louder, as if it’s trying to fill the void between them.

Sometimes people describe being in love as vivid, colorful. He can agree with that. When he first met Minho, it’s like his world exploded, everything beautiful and perfect. Somewhere along the way, after so many years, something has changed. There was a misconnect or something, that’s the only thing he can think of. They don’t see eye to eye anymore, it’s like a battle to exist in the same space. Jisung is tired, and the vividness that was once everywhere is all gone.

“Minho, do you trust me?” Jisung asks, forcing himself to keep his voice steady and calm.

“Trust is a strange thing Jisung.” He answers.

“Relationships are built on trust.” Jisung feels the beginnings of anger welling up deep inside of him.

“I know.” Minho looks like he’s getting angry too, but that’s not fair. Jisung trusts Minho with almost everything in his life, trusts in Minho himself as well. Why can’t he do the same? Why he can’t place any faith in Jisung? He knows Minho, it’s not like he came from a rough background or anything, and he trusts people like Woojin.

“What are we then, huh? If you can’t trust me what happens to us?”

“Jisung I don’t want to talk about this.”

“No, we’re talking about it now. This has been sitting for too long.” Jisung grabs Minho’s arm and pulls him away from the skillet roughly. Minho shakes himself out of Jisung’s grip.

“God, why are you always so pushy?” He snaps.

“Maybe because I love you?” Jisung probably looks all wrong saying it, face red with anger, eyes firey and voice sharp.

“If you really loved me you’d leave this alone.”

“Relationships are built on communication as well, you know that right?”

“Fine. Fine Jisung, I don’t trust you. I don’t trust the kind of person you are, and I never have alright?” Jisung takes a step closer, heart frozen. Minho pushes him away. “You never just accept things, never just move on. It’s always about this whole teamwork thing, never just me and never just you. You’re stifling.”

“At least I’m not emotionally unavailable. Every time you’ve come crying to me I’m there for you, no questions asked. You always push me away when I need you.” He tries to take a step again, and again is pushed away.

“You’re stifling.” Minho repeats.

“At least I love you! Do you even love me?”

“I’ve given up everything to be with you, of course I love you.”

“You only say that when I’m gone you know that? I think you’re in love with the idea of me.”

“Do you love me Jisung?” He automatically wants to say yes, he just said it seconds ago, but he thinks suddenly of all the colors that had disappeared. Thinks of Chan’s words he has tried so hard to ignore. Thinks of the ways they fight, and how nothing changes, and how Minho never cares or learns.

“I don’t think I can love you anymore.” Minho’s eyes harden and he slaps Jisung across the face.

“Why did you make me stay so long then?” Minho yells. Jisung isn't thinking anymore. This person has been nothing but controlling, turning everything on him. This person doesn’t take responsibility for anything. Jisung finds he can’t recognize himself and it’s all Minho’s fault.

When they were younger, Minho got in fights all of the time. He’s outmatched here, because Minho never stops until he’s won. Another punch comes and hits him in the chin and on the lip, and he can taste blood. He explodes into motion then, sprinting away from Minho and out the door.

He runs all the way to Chan's who looks confused when he opens the door and sees Jisung back so soon, until he sees the blood. “Oh my God Ji he didn't.” He gasps, eyes tearing up.

“I'm done, I can't do it anymore. We hate each other hyung.” Jisung is so tired, and doesn't want to do this again.

“Come in, let's get you cleaned up.” Jisung nods, following Chan without hesitation. As he's bandaged up, he thinks it takes a special kind of person to love Lee Minho. He's not that person apparently.

If love is vivid, then they are not in love.

  


**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading if you got this far! Feel free to leave a comment and/or kudos, and hit me up on Twitter! (@moonwhis)


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